I occasionally see this name on various platforms, but due to a lack of knowledge about the plot, my desire to watch it isn’t very strong. Well, it’s the desire to watch movies. I watched two long Korean dramas before finally returning to movies. Over the two days of May Day, I watched four movies. After filling some “gaps” in my knowledge, I really enjoyed the pleasures of watching movies.

In “Nice Try”, Xiao E talked about Holidays after Sun Exposure; I can’t remember exactly what he said, but what struck me most was his feeling: “The next day, when I drove, I started to cry right away.” I was curious, so I watched the movie the next day. It was a two-hour-long film. As usual, I had no idea what the story or plot would be before starting to watch it. When the two characters appeared together, I realized it was a story about a father and his daughter. I also wondered if it was related to sexual abuse by the father (after watching Long Season). Then there were details of their vacation life, everyday moments that weren’t quite ordinary.

The film’s color palette was filled with sadness and oppression. Even on a sunny beach, there were often solitary silhouettes or a more silent blue-green color. This contrasted with the mood of the story. In such an atmosphere, every character made me think of bad things like murder, rape, and drugs. When Calum first showed signs of emotional problems, I didn’t even understand why. His behavior became more chaotic, and I began to suspect something was wrong. At the end of the film, I didn’t have any strong feelings. It seemed like I didn’t understand it at all. It seemed like he wanted me to know everything, but I still didn’t understand.

Then I saw a review on Douban: “Do we really understand our parents?”. It hit me suddenly.

After a short moment, I remembered many memories related to my father: he said “I want to die”, he said “I love you”, he said “I feel bad”, and he said “You are my favorite person”. That night when he was with me, I don’t know how I went to sleep. I only remember my heart beating fast, afraid that he would really leave me, afraid that his love wouldn’t be enough to overcome the pain of life.

The next day, while walking, I kept thinking about my father. In my papers, there were at least three topics related to fatherhood. I didn’t realize how sensitive I was to my father at that time. It just seemed like a interesting topic. Now, I think the role of father is contradictory and important for me. I hate the violence, chaos, and moral challenges he caused in my childhood. Those images still bother me.

But I also have a strong love for him, both through blood and life, and by imitating my mother. The conflict never disappears. It appears every time I look at him, every time we talk, and every time we laugh. Also, it appears when I look at other people’s fathers.

Many times, I feel sad. The moments hidden in my heart add up to just three minutes.

One minute is when I dance on his shoes;

one minute is when I call him and say I miss him;

one minute is when he says I love you.

Three minutes, just three minutes, but it seems enough to eliminate all my negative feelings towards him. Is it true that people live for these three minutes? What does my three minutes consist of in his mind? From his words, it seems that his emotional problems aren’t good. It can be seen from his current state. Maybe it’s because of his personality. I’m too similar to him, no matter how much I don’t want to admit it. So sometimes I feel sympathy for him. Could his childhood be the same? Could he just be trying to become a father like others? Could he have tried his best to be a father in his world? I don’t know the answer, and he probably doesn’t know either.

“I think it’s nice that we share the same sky.” – Sophie

“There’s this feeling: once you leave where you grew up, you don’t really belong there anymore.” – Calum